Haters gonna Hate

intake: still fasting
exercise: 1 hr elliptical; 30 min rowing machine; 30 min strength training

Good news, Bad news. 

Good news is: Depressed-Tai is no longer in the building. 

Bad news is: This is because Irritable-Tai threw her out of a top story window and is now in full rampage mode.

That being said, please buckle your seat-belts and prepare for the oncoming rant.

/beginrant

After skipping yesterday's practice, I managed to get a hold of myself enough to make it to this morning's "Sweeney Todd" chorus practice. Big Mistake. For those of you who have had the privilege to witness this dissonant masterpiece by Sondheim you will understand my pain. Those of you who haven't, stop what you are doing right now and go rent the stage version with Angela Lansbury. Go ahead, I'll wait for you...

......

... All on the same page now? Good. So as you now know, when dissonance is executed by professional singers and good direction the result is chilling, imposing, and wonderful. When it is attempted by a bunch of off-key, lazy, attention-challenged, sick, stressed out college students; it is approximately the same sound as Satan sodomizing a basket full of puppies. I say approximately because the ass-rape probably sounded better than what I had to put up with. Add to this one very old, very disorganized director and you are just beginning to understand the murderous rage I felt at the end of this torturous four hour practice.

Did I then give up and decide to devote the rest of my life to sniping people off a roof? No. I took the positive route and decided to try and burn off this bad juju at the gym. I had a fairly intense and productive workout and somewhat refreshed headed off to the showers to wash my hair and enjoy some quality water pressure. Mistake #2.

The water was cold. Not cold at first... no. Then I would have simply stepped out and gone back to my dorm to enjoy a real shower. The bastard heater waited until I had already combed the conditioner through my hair to decide I'd had enough enjoyment. At first I just wondered if I was getting used to the water temperature and turned it up. However, it quickly became apparent that the universe was in the mood for an episode of Punk'd and I was their unsuspecting dupe.

Some of you may be thinking at this point: 'Well, that kind of sucks but it's not that big of a deal. A little cold water won't kill you. I bet it was even refreshing after a long, hard work out.'

With all due respect: Fuck You. I HATE cold showers.

How much?

1. If it was 200 degrees outside and the paint was peeling off of the walls, I would still require at least a lukewarm temperature to shower in.

2. If I was camping and hadn't bathed in 5 days due to lack of water and we finally found a lake to bathe in; you better break out the kettle and find some firewood. Otherwise, I will go on smelling until we find a hot spring.

3. If my mother's life was on the line. She's 51, she had a good run, and I'll miss her.

4. If Jesus returned in all his triumphant glory and informed me that the only thing I had to do to experience all of the pleasures of paradise was get baptized; unless that little pool is heated I guess I'm packing a bikini and some sunscreen for the eternal tan I will be enjoying.

Fuck that gym, Fuck their cold showers, and Fuck our bastardization of one of the greatest musicals of all times. I'll see them all in hell.

/endrant

*On a related and extremely hypocritical note, I will jump in the ocean no matter what time of year it is or how cold it is. One time I went swimming with my clothes on in the middle of January. The neighbors thought I was drunk and called the coast guard on me. Polar Bear Club = Very Yes*

Cold showers are not Sexy